


A Moment of Reflection

by Nightshade_Blaize



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Brief appearance by Adrien Agreste, Brief mentions of Akumatized Max Kante, Disaster Adults Talk About Their Feelings, F/M, GabeNath Reverse Bang, GabeNath Reverse Bang 2020, Questioning, Slow Build, brief mentions of Emilie Agreste - Freeform, friends to lovers but slow, post-canon sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:48:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27805612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightshade_Blaize/pseuds/Nightshade_Blaize
Summary: After a particularly upsetting defeat, Gabriel is feeling like it might be time to throw in the butterfly brooch and move on. Nathalie tries to encourage him to continue but even she has some reservations about the idea. The two have a heart to heart over some brandy and learn things about each other.
Relationships: Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth/Nathalie Sancoeur
Comments: 18
Kudos: 40
Collections: GabeNath Reverse Bang 2020





	A Moment of Reflection

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Creativitydeficient](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Creativitydeficient/gifts), [MaybeMayura](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaybeMayura/gifts).



Gabriel heaved a heavy sigh as he sank into the less than comforting leather of one of the chairs he kept tastefully scattered about the atelier, the embarrassment of his most recent defeat still burning like torturous flames behind his eyes. The Akuma he had chosen today had been absolutely perfect, not a mere superficial, almost boring attempt like the usual round with Mr. Pigeon or the occasional toddler throwing a temper tantrum for whatever reason. Those, he saved for particularly bland days that just needed a little spicing up to make them more interesting. This time, however, he had managed to catch one of Ladybug’s comrades during the aftermath of just such an ‘ordinary’ attempt. He had called back the akuma from the initial villain himself and the boy, the holder of the horse miraculous that had become the hero known as Pegasus, had become Knightmare; a master of space and teleportation. He was incredibly powerful and had gotten so close to succeeding against Ladybug and Chat Noir, even going so far as to warp the latter of the two across the city.

What he had not counted on, however, was the annoying insect having more backup than just the boy waiting in the wings at the time. All it had taken had been Rena Rouge using a few well-placed illusions and Viperion’s ‘second chance’ to throw Knightmare off their track and give the heroes the upper hand. The subsequent defeat had been rather embarrassing in the end for both himself and his chosen champion.

A muffled cough drew him out of his wallowing in self-pity and his attention turned sharply to its source, Nathalie. She was standing, which was far better than she had initially been doing as of late, with a glass of some amber liquid that she held out to him in an otherwise silent offering to ease his already strained nerves. Gabriel took it gratefully, realizing shortly after that she had poured brandy instead of his usual choice of beverage. If he focused hard enough, Gabriel could just make out the slightest wobble of her knees, as if they were threatening to buckle at any moment and send her back to the floor in a crumpled heap. 

He had been true to his word about not allowing her to continue as Mayura after the disaster that was Miracle Queen, having hidden the Peacock miraculous in a different location after the last incident, and her condition had improved slightly, slowly as it had to get her back to this point, though they both knew that rest and some medical intervention could only do so much for the woman at this point.There were still days where she appeared to remain on ‘borrowed time’, and nights that Gabriel found himself staying up through the night at her bedside just to ensure she made it to see the dawn of the next day.

“Knightmare was very close to actually being a success, ” she noted as she handed him her tablet, which had been pulled up to a recap of the battle and showed some highlights and the repair that followed. Gabriel did his best to ignore the warmth that spread from his hand where it had brushed against her own as he took it. “I believe if a secondary attack like that were to happen, or a similar event to occur again, you may finally achieve your goal. Though, I doubt the heroes will allow for such a simple mistake again.” She murmured, watching the scene play out once again with colorful commentary from the newscaster.

Gabriel looked away from her with a dismissive sigh and set the tablet down and took a drink from his glass. He paused with a pensive look on his face.

“I have put some thought into it. I’m not so sure I want to continue as Hawk Moth anymore, Nathalie.” He admitted as he stared into the amber liquid. “Even if we were to potentially succeed in securing Ladybug and Chat Noir’s miraculouses, Emilie has been ‘gone’ for over a year. Everyone else has moved on with their lives, maybe it’s just time for me to do the same and let her finally rest in peace.”

“But you cannot just stop. After all, you are doing this for more than just yourself, Sir.” Nathalie pointed out. “You’re also doing this for Adrien.” Her voice seemed to carry with it the urgency of concern as she poured a glass for herself. Gabriel watched her every step until he was certain she was steadier on her feet.

“Adrien barely talks to me now,” Gabriel scoffed. “I do not see the situation with him improving anytime soon if my plans were to progress any further. If anything, continuing with our plans may drive the wedge further between the two of us.” He bitterly drank deep from the glass, though his expression softened when he saw the way she gripped the back of the chair. “Beyond that, some of my Akumas have even put his life in direct danger.” He explained “I cannot in good conscience continue taking the risk of losing him… not when I have already lost so much to this endeavor. Not to mention, everything that has happened to you due to your continued use of the Peacock, despite multiple warnings about it being damaged. You could barely lift your head when I finally took it away from you for good. If it had not been for that intervention and the guardian having translated the grimoire prior to our attack, it would have… you could have...” 

He struggled to continue his rant as his mind was flooded with the memory of how Emilie had gone, and how uncomfortably close he had come to losing Nathalie in almost the exact same way. He still occasionally had nightmares about how weak and lifeless she had seemed those first few days, when she had lain cold, unmoving, with the only indicator that she was still alive being the faint beat of her heart picked up by a monitor he’d had brought in by the family doctor. “I could have lost you as well.” He finished once he was able to compose his thoughts somewhat and face her, though the ghosts of tears unshed threatened the corners of his eyes.

“I knew the risks when I decided to pick the Peacock up and become Mayura.” Nathalie answered as she came around the chair to sit across from him. Her eyes were calm but soft, as though she were trying to reassure him with her steady, gentle voice. “I told you many times before that I would do anything if it meant you would achieve your goal, and I have every intention of following through on that promise.” Her final words struck a nerve within Gabriel and his expression hardened.

“But why?” He demanded. He set his glass down on the table more firmly than he normally would have and silently cursed as he realized it could have shattered from the force of contact alone. “Why would you, a perfectly healthy, intelligent..." He paused as the word 'beautiful' nearly crossed his lips, the word coming as smoothly as though it were second nature for him to say such a thing when describing her, and corrected himself."Why would a woman such as yourself, willingly risk your life with no personal reasoning? And for your employer, of all people? You don’t owe me your life; you don’t owe that to anyone but yourself.” Nathalie did not immediately answer and looked away, which set off red flags in his mind, but her hand raised to stop him from intervening and causing her to lose her train of thought.

“…. I admit,” she began, and she traced the rim of her glass with her finger as she spoke. “I have been having second thoughts about all of this as well. But I see how much her being gone has hurt both you and Adrien and how happy she made you both. What I want is for both of you to have that kind of happiness again. If it means I don’t get to live to see you achieve it myself, I’m at peace knowing that I helped bring you a little closer to it.” Gabriel stared in disbelief, as if he were trying to make sure he had heard her correctly.

“That’s why you’ve been doing all of this?” He asked, dumbfounded. “You’re throwing away your life, your health, your entire future because it ‘makes me happy’? Nathalie, that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard anyone say.” He broke into laughter. “...and I’m a supervillain trying to take magical jewelry from a pair of teenagers.”

Nathalie considered his words and realized just how foolish it sounded out loud. How ironic that she was being called crazy by the man who thought it was a good idea to regularly akumatize some poor man that just wanted to be left alone and feed the pigeons in the park, or a lonely old woman, or an irritated brat.

“This is coming from the man who spends half his day hiding in his basement playing with butterflies and disregarding his actual job.” She raised her brow in challenge as she raised her drink back to her lips. Gabriel choked slightly and searched his brain for a comeback.

“At least I have the common decency not to attempt to subsist purely on coffee and spite.” He threw back lamely. Nathalie was not impressed. She shrugged and took a long drink, coughing slightly at the burn in her throat.

“We all make sacrifices for our work. If you want me to continue to do _your job_ on top of my own, I have to make the cuts somewhere. Regrettably, not everyone can afford to spend their days getting their ass handed to them by a pair of teenagers.”

“You didn’t seem to have any problem fighting those teenagers yourself, months ago when you had the power to.” Gabriel defended with a slight pout. She was striking obvious nerves, but at the same time -and maybe it was because the alcohol had loosened him up a bit- he found that he did not mind as much right now. It felt more like playful banter between two old friends.

“I wouldn’t have needed to if you hadn’t been such a terrible villain.” Nathalie laughed. “Seriously, who in their right mind _doesn’t_ formulate an escape plan just in case things go wrong?” She kicked off her heels and carefully tucked her legs under her to sit more comfortably.

“Now wait just a moment,” Gabriel frowned. “ _You_ came up with the plan for Scarlet Moth!” He fired back with indignation. “Why didn’t _you_ have an escape plan in place?”

Nathalie shrugged and returned her attention to the video between them as it came to its end. She closed the website and set the tablet down.

“It was one of my plans; therefore it should have succeeded. But now that you know even a plan of mine is capable of failing, you should always have a plan B set up to the side just in case it becomes a necessity.” Gabriel snorted briefly at the mental image that came with her statement but thought better of voicing it to her. “Besides, only someone as stubborn as you could cause a plan that airtight to fail that badly.” 

“And waiting until I was asleep to steal the Peacock miraculous from my pocket and sneaking out of the mansion on your own in your weakened state, after being told multiple times to stay and rest, just to create a sentimonster of Ladybug in an attempt to fool Chat Noir wasn’t just as bad an idea?” He leaned forward slightly to try to regain her attention. He took note of the slight blush that crossed her cheeks. “Because if my memory is correct, I had to come rescue _you_ from that one, Mlle. Sancoeur,” he said lowly, teasingly. Nathalie pouted and looked away, her cheeks a bit pink from embarrassment and alcohol.

“It would have worked if the real Ladybug hadn’t arrived and proven it was a trap.” She said bitterly. “The ring was practically in my hand.” At these words, Gabriel could no longer manage to hold back his tipsy laughter and nearly doubled over.

“Do you even _hear_ yourself?” He wheezed as he removed his glasses to clean the lenses “you sound like the villain from a really old mystery cartoon, blaming all your problems on the heroes when really the failure was lack of proper planning and being too sure of yourself.” Nathalie could not help but to laugh with him at the comparison.

“I suppose it does sound rather foolish when you put it that way.” She mused. “So, may I ask then, M. Agreste, why it is, that you have recently become so fixated on my personal health and wellbeing?” A single pin hitting the floor could have been heard in the silence that followed her, admittedly daring, question. Gabriel opened his mouth, closed it to better think his words, opened it again, closed it again, and finally just elected to ignore the question like the answer should have been obvious. Nathalie patiently tapped the edge of her glass as she waited for him to compose himself and stop gaping at her like a fish. Gabriel eventually cleared his throat when it became clear that him trying to avoid the subject was not going to work this time.

“If I were to lose you, I would also effectively lose the most amazing executive assistant the world has ever seen. You’ve got the patience of a saint and it’s no secret that without your organization skills, my company would have collapsed from bankruptcy by now.” He stated plainly with his arms crossed. “And… I would miss you.” He added quietly, eyes averted.

It was then Nathalie’s turn to be shocked. She stared at him intently, her mouth hanging part way open before she closed it into a playful smirk.

“Sir-”

“Gabriel, Nathalie.” He corrected her, “Nobody but me can hear you right now. You can freely call me by name.”

“Gabriel--” she drew out the pause, “--I hate to tell you this, but that’s hardly professional, being that you’re my employer and all. What would the media think if they got wind that the powerful, coldhearted Gabriel Agreste actually cared about one of his employees? It would be an absolute scandal!” She laughed almost gleefully.

Gabriel raised an irritated brow at her statement, before grinning back almost mockingly.

“I could say the same about some of the things you’ve felt in my presence when you thought I wasn't paying attention.”

“What do you mean?” Nathalie asked, her eyes on him. He had to chuckle at the boldness of her challenge.

“The butterfly miraculous draws its power from empathy, Nathalie. Surely you realize that it makes sense that the person I'm around the most would be the person whose emotions I feel most keenly.” She looked away.

He sighed and looked down at his feet. “I’m genuinely worried about you, can’t you just take that answer and not question my motive?” Gabriel buried his face in his hands “I already lost Emilie to this... I can’t lose you too.” He finally said, letting the despair seep into his voice.

Nathalie stood to move closer to him and cup his jaw. She tilted his head up to look at her.

“I told you before… the future isn’t set in stone, Gabriel. I’m not going anywhere.” She offered him a smile. Gabriel let his eyes close and covered her hand with his own.

“I have been thinking about that.” He said after a moment. “I was weighing the gains versus the consequences, and I don’t think it’s worth continuing if it continues to go this way. I want to ensure that you continue to get better.”

As if the world lived just to smite them both with irony, Nathalie lost her footing when she straightened up to take the glasses away to be cleaned. Gabriel rushed to steady her, deciding after a moment that she had overdone it and scooped her up into his arms to carry her upstairs. At this rate, it was probably best for them both to sleep off the bitter taste of alcohol and defeat. Gabriel walked with Nathalie to the guest room that had been converted into her personal living space over the course of the last year, to ensure she did actually go to sleep instead of attempting to overwork herself to the point of passing out.

As they reached her room and he set her down to allow her to proceed with her nighttime routine, he began his train of thought again. Did Nathalie have any family? None that he knew of; he had personally seen that he was listed as her emergency contact should the need arise. Who was he supposed to call if something _did_ happen to her? Adrien’s comment from months ago echoed in his mind again, ‘As far as I’m concerned, she’s already part of the family.’

He cleared his throat.

“Nathalie, what do you think of when you try to picture the future?” Nathalie turned to face him; her brow raised in question.

“What?”

“Don’t you have any hopes, dreams, just… something you want out of life?” He elaborated. “I can’t see you wanting to spend the rest of your life trapped here. Don’t you want to… I don’t know, do something? Maybe build a life for yourself outside of this?”

“I… well, I suppose I never actually thought about it beyond just the immediate what I wanted to be when I grew up.” Nathalie shrugged, gathering her nightwear, and stepped to the en suite bathroom, closing the door behind her. “Sorry to disappoint you, but I’m not really interested in the idea of settling down and starting a family.” She continued to answer through the door as she changed. “I’m not really a ‘wife and mother’ type of person, which suits me just fine. It gives me the freedom to live my life the way I want.”

“I think you would be good at raising a family of your own. You’re already pretty good at managing mine.” Gabriel joked. Nathalie opened the door to face him, her eyes trying to read if there had been anything hidden underneath the seemingly offhand joke.

“It’s just… not something I have ever considered.” She finally replied as she sat on the edge of her bed, “I’m happy with my job, I enjoy what I do, and seeing you and Adrien happy has been rewarding enough for me.” She explained with the vaguest hope that he would not continue this line of conversation any further.

“Any man would be fortunate to have such a selfless partner.” Gabriel commented from his position by the door, his arms crossed as if he did not quite believe her. “Never mind your intelligence and looks.” Nathalie resisted the urge to roll her eyes and throw her pillow at him.

“If you’re quite done making fun of me for my lack of a romantic life, or a life in general outside of work and our extracurriculars, I would like to remind you that you, yourself, play a large role in why it is so lackluster.” She huffed, crossing her arms.

“I suppose I should apologize to you then.” He crossed the room and sat on the bed next to her. “I was being sincere though. You are quite astonishing as an individual, and very attractive. Were I not quite content in my own marriage, I would definitely have shown more interest than…” 

Gabriel noted the way Nathalie deflated over the course of his explanation, and he paused. 

“Nathalie, what is it?” She shook her head and pulled away from him.

“It’s nothing.” She defended, keeping her eyes on her hands--when had they begun shaking? His hand reached over and covered both of hers completely in a warm, firm but gentle grasp.

“Did I say something that offended you? Because if I did, of course I apologize.” He started but she stopped him.

“Do you know how hard it is? How much it hurts? Knowing that, in the mind of the person I want to love, that I am just another pawn in their master plan. Don’t get me wrong sir, you treat me well, and I do appreciate what you have done for me these last months. But then you go out of your way to do things like this or you ask questions that I’m not comfortable answering to you and… it hurts.”

Gabriel looked away almost guiltily, as if she had struck a nerve with her words. He knew all too well what she was talking about. After all, he had spent the better part of the last year trying to deny it with ignorance.

“I do know.” He admitted quietly. “I know because I’ve been facing that reality for months now. I had no interest in admitting it due to my promise to Emilie, but I will confess that things have changed between the two of us. I’m particularly not fond of stating that it was caused in part due to my own feelings changing.” He gives her hand a squeeze “I didn’t mean for it to sound like I was comparing the two of you again. And I promise you, it is not a mistake I will be repeating.” 

“… I have thought about it.” Nathalie pulled her hand away from his. “What it would be like if things were different. What the future might be like if things were different.” She clarified. “And honestly, I’ve had my regrets about applying for this job. But in the same breath, I would not trade where I am for something unknown. Doing this has made me feel like my life has purpose. I know that I am not Emilie, and I would never try to be anything like her, much less try to take her place. But sometimes, when I am helping Adrien with his homework or talking with him about his schedule, it almost feels like he could be my own son. He comes to me for any problems he may have that he requires help for and trusts me to give him an answer, and I appreciate that you and he both trust me to do things like that.”

Gabriel listened, and he thought back to that conversation in the garden again, this time looking at the incident through the lens of his son’s point of view instead of letting himself feel like Adrien’s innocent assumption had been some kind of accusation of violating his vows. His brows furrowed as he realized just how right Adrien had been to make such a claim. Nathalie didn’t just take care of his business needs and keep his own life organized; she had taken over seeing to the needs of his son as well. Whenever Adrien needed help with homework, he went to Nathalie. When he had been sick, she had been the one to take care of his needs, even when she herself was hardly able to stand. Now that he thought about it, Gabriel couldn’t remember the last time he or Emilie had done anything outside of the bare minimum for their son, yet his _assistant_ made sure Adrien ate at every meal, went to bed at a reasonable hour, and even lobbied against him for Adrien to have some free time here and there to unwind and actually ‘be a kid’. As far as he was aware, in terms of what ‘being a parent’ entailed, Nathalie was probably the closest thing to a real parent Adrien had ever had. And having that sudden realization hurt him to admit.

“Adrien’s been lucky to have someone like you that he can turn to. You’re certainly cut out to be an incredible mother, I’m sorry that your work schedule and having to deal with me on a daily basis has robbed you of that for so long.” He swallowed, not wanting to meet her eyes out of shame. He saw a hand reach out to his own and he looked up.

“I didn’t do it out of some obligation to the terms of my employment or some feeling of blind loyalty, Gabriel.” She was smiling through her tears, though he could still see the pain in her eyes and almost feel the way her heart was breaking. “I did it because, as time wore on, you both became my family and I realized I wanted you to be happy. Not because you deserve it or some Karmic power or something, but because I love you-”

Nathalie froze at her own words and tried to think of something to say, anything to say to make this less awkward for both of them. “That is, I love _your dedication_ to your wife and son.” She tried to cover herself and prayed he did not catch her partial omission.

As she began to pull away from him, Gabriel turned his own palm upward to grasp her hand firmly within his own. Steel blue met cold turquoise and, in that moment, Nathalie realized what she had been seeing buried beneath the surface.

“You _knew._ ” Her voice was strangled in disbelief.

“I know,” he confirmed. “Or, I have for a little while, at the very least. I suspected before you took that last turn for the worse, but you had seemed content to not say anything, so I assumed it was a passing fantasy and was content to not press you for a reason.”

His thumb worked over her knuckles, trying to rub some of the cool of the night air out and bring some color back the pale skin of her fingers. “Now that I’ve had time to speak with you and pay more attention, I have been able to come to the realization that your thoughts weren’t just a fleeting idea plucked from the pages of some dirty romance novel.” He sighed. “If it’s any consolation, I’ve found myself to have grown quite attached to you as well as time has worn on, and while I care for you, truly I do, this isn’t as simple a decision as what to wear for a meeting.”

“So, what do we do about this? Would you continue trying to bring her back even though you and I both now have an understanding of how we feel for each other?” The question was asked on a breath, a quiet whisper laced with the fear he saw reflected behind her glasses.

Gabriel felt the impact of her question like a ton of brick to his lungs. Nathalie had every reason to ask him that; he had made that promise before that he would stop when Adrien had nearly been lost to Style Queen, only to go back on that promise mere hours later when a better opportunity had arisen. It was only natural she would not believe him now when they were discussing the possibility of him giving up again, this time for her.

Something broke in Gabriel and he sighed in defeat, feeling the familiar pulse of the butterfly miraculous. The weight of what he was doing settled heavily upon his shoulders and for a moment, Gabriel considered ripping the cursed thing off and throwing it across the room. His hand, however, stalled halfway to his throat. He wasn’t going to stop; he knew that much. It had become like an addiction, the empathetic boost it gave him. And it would be cruel to lie to Nathalie and tell her he would just stop that now.

“I can’t just stop now,” he admitted, looking away ashamed as he let go of her hand. “You said it yourself earlier, I’m so close. I can’t just give up on everything we have spent all this time working toward, because of my feelings changing.”

Nathalie’s shoulders sagged and she looked away as well to hide her disappointment as she moved to the other side of the bed in defeat.

“Please don’t be angry with me, Nathalie.” Gabriel pleaded with her. “I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear from me, but despite my feelings for you, I owe it to Emilie to continue to try, even if it’s just so that she and I can separate and go our own ways and live out the rest of our lives.”

He felt his miraculous buzz to attention as a feeling of despair washed over him. It seemed like there was another poor lonely soul out in the night that would make an excellent champion to follow up the attack from earlier today. He stood, prepared to walk out the door and go forth into his lair to create another akuma and continue the fight for another night.

But as he opened her bedroom door to leave, something stopped him. He turned and glanced back at Nathalie, who had curled up under the sheets and was facing away from him. Though he could not hear her, he could see the way her shoulders trembled slightly with every breath. He realized he had a choice, he could take this chance at almost certain victory, but at what personal cost? He could win against the heroes, and use the miraculous to bring Emilie back, but what would Nathalie gain? She had no one, that much was clear to him, and he had just made the foolish decision to state that, while he did have feelings for her, he was pushing her aside again in favor of an uncertain future.

The miraculous pinned to his chest throbbed more urgently and Gabriel put a hand over it in contemplation as he weighed his options. After a moment of reflection, he stepped back into the room and closed the door quietly.

Nathalie had fallen asleep, but she gasped and jolted awake when she felt the mattress dip next to her. She turned, surprised to see Gabriel sitting on the side, removing his shoes.

“You came back…” She stated, resting her head back down on the pillow. Gabriel shook his head and settled on his side to face her.

“Actually, I never left.” He clarified. “I thought about it and it didn’t seem like the right chance to take.” He tucked the blanket more snugly around her shoulder. “I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you, it wasn’t fair to act like your feelings didn’t matter to me. I’ve always valued your opinion when it came to things like this.” Nathalie listened to him apologize and, while she was still angry, she also wanted to comfort him the way he tried to comfort her.

“I don’t forgive you…” she murmured, moving closer to him. “Not yet, but it’s a start.” Her eyes drooped closed as she fought to remain awake. Gabriel nodded and pulled her into his arms so she could rest against his chest.

“Rest. We can talk about it in the morning.”

When Adrien came looking for Nathalie to ask if she had seen his father, he found them both peacefully asleep, wrapped in each other’s arms.

**Author's Note:**

> Check out CreativityDeficients awesome art to accompany the fic!!! https://creativitydeficient.tumblr.com/post/636597581998342144/story-a-moment-of-reflection-author
> 
> Thanks to the amazing May for beta reading.


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